What is loved? Is the way I love my husband the same as the way I love a friend or even family members? There are six different styles of love; Romantic love (eros) which has physical longing, intimacy and deep intensity, and tremendous passion, Game-playing love (ludus) which is where there is a lack of intimacy and deep intensity, but holds playful interaction. Friendship (philia, storage) is when there is little to no intimacy but a share a strong companionship, and Logical love (pragma) is when a person only looks for certain characteristics in another person. Possessive, excited love (mania) is a combination of ludus or eros love and can sometimes be called “troubled love” because of the dependence, jealousy, intensity, and many psychological symptoms that are related to relationships. Selfless love (agape) is what dreams are made of. It is when a person loves the other to the fullest, and is in its purest form. This is the type of love that is shown in most “romantic movies”.
1. Scenario: Logical love (pragma)
Hunter liked to go out to bars, parties, and clubs in order to pick up women, but he only liked talking to women that had certain characteristics. He had no problem walking away from a woman that did not spark his interest. One night he met a woman named Michelle, that had a lot of characteristics that he had been looking for in a woman, and Michelle found the same. They began to date, and found more characteristics that made them even more attracted to each other, they fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. This is what would be considered as “logical love”.
2. Scenario: Selfless love (agape)
Nicole is a woman that devotes everything in her life to make sure that she does the right thing. She loves her family and friends, and makes whatever sacrifices necessary in order to make sure that those she loves, are well taken care of, even if she had to give away the shirt off her back because she loves everyone with everything she has; loving to the fullest. This is what is considered to be “selfless love”.
In both of the scenarios, both people are seeking someone to love, but they are both different because of what they are basing their love on. Hunter is looking for a woman using logical love, by only wanting certain characteristics, while Nicole is looking for love, but is willing to take the good and bad with it, loving the person no matter their situation.
The styles of love in my life include; Romantic love, Friendship, Possessive, excited love (mania), and selfless love. An example of my romantic love would be the moment I met my boyfriend “Colt”, I was attracted to him. You could see the attraction in his eyes as well, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. It was an immediate attraction, which has continued to the present. He still surprises me with rose, candy, and in other ways as well. I am still as attracted to him today as I was 5 years ago! An example of my friendship with him is that every day we sit down and talk. We set aside time for us to catch up on anything we may want to say. It is just like two old friends sitting down and enjoying a beer or so together, and catching up. An example of my possessive, excited love would be how I still sometimes wonder if he leaves to go to other women’s houses, but I should learn to trust people better, so that is my fault. Jealousy can be a down fall in any relationship, so this becomes a psychological issue that I personally need to work through. An example of selfless love that I have in my life would be how my boyfriend does for me. He will go without eating if it means that I get what he thinks I deserve. He goes out of his way for me from the time he wakes up, till the time he goes to sleep. He goes to his grandmother’s house (on the same property) and cooks meals, but he brings me a plate to my house, usually delivered while I am doing schoolwork, I eat, he comes gets the plate, and does all the dishes. This is actually just one of the many examples of selflessness he does for me, but I could go on and on about what he does for his family and friends. He acts selflessly and wholeheartedly in many of the choices he chooses every day. So as you can see, you and your partner may share more than one type of love. In fact, you may share a few of the types, but one thing is for certain, it takes both of you to make the relationship work!
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